#07 Art and Anxiety

This might not be the right place to discuss this but since we’re talking about COVID-19 and mental health issues, I would like to shed some light on how this has affected me personally. I contracted COVID not once, but twice. Since I suffer from severe Asthma, Bronchitis and several other allergies it was an awfully painful journey for me. Making sure I’m washing my hands a million times a day, taking my medicines on time, nebulizing five times a day, scrolling through news channels and articles online, ordering groceries and then washing them thoroughly, this entire journey has been extremely exhausting. I first contracted COVID in my home country and the second time, just now in April. It’s been a really rough journey since I’m living all by myself, away from family, in a new country which I had never visited before. 

I had to self-isolate for months because I couldn’t afford to get sick. But even though I was trying to protect myself from the virus and doing myself (health) a favour by not going out and staying home for months, I could feel it was having a bad effect on my mental health - I do suffer from an anxiety and stress disorder and even the slightest thing can trigger it at times and COVID has made it worse for me. Would you believe it if I tell you that I keep telling myself that I don’t deserve anything? It’s extremely hard for me to come to terms with the fact that I’m good at something. For example, if I receive a distinction is my coursework I’d tell myself that I’ve gotten this grade because the teacher is lenient instead of believing that I worked super hard and deserve it the credit. I don’t know if it’s the Impostor Syndrome that’s taking a toll on me or just me being too self-critical.

I still suffer from some of the long term after effects of COVID but brain fog is one that has really affected me personally and as a result I’ve been feeling more stressed and anxious lately. My concentration level has dropped, and I’ve noticed I’m having a hard time understanding even the simplest of things. The only thing that has always helped me get through difficult times like these is making art – mostly self-portraits (like the ones I've added here). It’s hard for me to express my emotions and feelings in words and so drawing has always helped me in letting my feelings out. It allows me to look at the world in a more holistic picture which intern helps me in diverting my mind towards the positive things around me. It helps in keeping my anxiety levels down and I always find myself drawing something or the other in my journals - scribbling, doodling, drawing, just doing something to take the frustration out or else I would keep thinking about how the effects of COVID-19 would never leave this planet and that we would be forced to live this way. But during these times I realised how grateful I am for technology because that was the only thing holding me and family together. Our values have changed now. We cherish spending time with friends and family. We’re all scattered in different parts of the world and hearing each other’s voice during these unprecedented times was a blessing. I’m sure most of us have also changed the way we see things now like being grateful for basic things like access to healthcare, clean food, technology etc. COVID-19 has been an eyeopener for all of us and has definitely given all of us an opportunity to re-think and re-shape our lives.

We decided to explore this topic even more and dig a little deeper to understand what this would mean to the smart city instead of just thinking on the surface. Since loneliness has led people to having mental health issues, unfortunately COVID has made it worse and it has become really hard to stay sane in these difficult times. We did a little activity amongst ourselves and asked each other questions about our mental wellbeing to see how we’re all doing (this is something we do in every session and has helped us get closer as a group) and what all we miss. This just made us realise how free and liberating the world was before the outbreak of the pandemic. We missed simple things like meeting friends and family, eating out, going out for shopping, going to the cinema but most importantly we all missed travelling, local and international, both. That's because we spend most of our time commuting back and forth to work or school but as tiring as it may sound, it's true that we all missed that as it was an integral part of our lives. It's always exciting to meet and greet new people while travelling by public transport and share experiences. Especially for someone like me who has no family here, having a conversation with someone is always a good idea as I get really lonely around here. So we felt like the link between both the topics was interesting to explore so we started to lean towards improving mental health on public transport through social interactions especially when millions of people are facing loneliness, isolation and separation during the lockdown .

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